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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24300712">Way Down We Go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_Lyra/pseuds/Alex_Lyra'>Alex_Lyra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:20:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,921</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24300712</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_Lyra/pseuds/Alex_Lyra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam threw himself into the line of fire and Gabriel isn't having any of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gabriel/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Way Down We Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>*Possible trigger warning for suicidal idealization* </p><p>Please read with cautions, lovelies</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~I'm not listening to you, I am wandering right through existence, with no purpose and no drive, 'cause in the end we're all alive, alive...~</p><p>"Sam, what the actual hell were you thinking!" Gabe threw his leather jacket off and onto the table, a dull thud resulting. </p><p>"Gabriel, stop, it's not a big deal! I'm fine, it was just a wendigo!" Sam kept walking and shook his head, gripping his side. Gabriel snarled and grabbed the hunter's arm, spinning him around to face the smaller. </p><p>"Samuel! You purposefully threw yourself in front of Dean and I, and it slashed your side!"</p><p>"Well, I couldn't very well let it get you now, could I! And do not call me 'Samuel'. " Sam clenched his jaw and glared at the angel.</p><p>"This whole 'martyr' bullshit is pissing me off, Sam! This is the third pointlessly reckless thing you've done in the last few hunts! I can handle mydamnself and so can Dean!"</p><p>"What 'martyr bullshit'? Gabriel, what was I supposed to do, let him get you or Dean? No! If I can take the hit, I will! So get off my ass and leave it be!" Sam snarled loudly and stormed off, leaving a speechless and shocked archangel in the Bunker. He's never snapped at me like that... Or anyone, really, like that...  Frowning, he walked into the living room of the Bunker and grabbed a beer, sitting silently. His thoughts interrupted by the older Winchester and he scooted over so he could sit beside him. </p><p>~Two thousand years I've been awake, waiting for the day to shake, to all of you who've wronged me, I am, I am a zombie, again, again you want me to fall on my head, I am, I am, I am a zombie, how low, how low, how low, will you push me, to go, to go, to go, before I lie down dead...~</p><p>"Rough night, huh?"</p><p>"I'm guessing you heard all of that." Gabe took a sip of his beer and stared at the floor.</p><p>"I think all of America heard it, but yeah sure, I guess I did." Dean grinned and took a gulp of his beer, shaking his head. </p><p>"I'm not good with all this talky-feely emotions crap, but one thing I do know, is that something's seriously off with Sammy lately." Dean didn't make eye contact and nodded to himself. </p><p>"Geez, what made you guess that, Sherlock?" Gabe mocked and rolled his eyes, voice slightly cracking. </p><p>"Gabe, I'm trying to help. Maybe Cas should be here and can do better than me at this, but right now, I'm all you got. If you hadn'a yelled at him, I sure as hell would have. I see your point. I really do. But you've gotta get through to him first, before yelling. That's all Dad ever did, was yell and scream and Sammy fought back each and every time. I usually... Stepped in, but for the most part, Sammy held his own. But after a while... It got to him. Get to him before he chews himself up, okay?" Dean clapped a hand on the archangel's shoulder, who simply nodded in return. Taking a deep breath, he stood up and grabbed his jacket to walk back to their shared room. Knocking lightly on the door, he got no response. </p><p>~Blow the smoke right off the tube, kiss my gentle burning bruise, I'm lost in time, and to all the people left behind, you are walking dumb and blind, blind...~</p><p>"Moose? I know you're mad, but let me in, okay? We've gotta talk this out, you know the whole, 'don't go to bed mad' thing, unless it's the kinky way, then that's cool. I'm off topic, but let me in, please. " Gabe knocked again and frowned. </p><p>"Sam. Let me in, please!" Growing more and more concerned, he stuck his hand out and blasted the door open. Racing in, scanning the room for any sign of Sam. Checking the bathroom, he saw nothing. </p><p>"Sam! Where are you?" Gabe ran up and down the Bunker halls, checking every room, growing slightly more panicked. </p><p>~And two thousand years I've been awake, waiting for the day to shake, dear all of you who've wronged me, I am, I am a zombie, again, again you want me to fall on my head, I am, I am, I am a zombie, how low, how low, how low will you push me, to go, to go, to go, before I lie down dead, oh dead, oh dead, oh dead...~</p><p> </p><p>"Sam!" </p><p>"Gabe?" Cas inquired, tilting his head. </p><p>"Cassie, have you seen Sam?" Gabe, wide-eyed, stared at the angel. </p><p>"I have not. I don't often keep track of your boyfriend." Cas dryly retorted and Gabe honestly had to hold back a snort. He was getting good at this sarcasm thing. Shaking his head, he frowned more.</p><p>"He was just here, where the hell could he have gone!" Gabe bit his lip. </p><p>"Have you tried the roof? Or maybe the library?" Cas walked towards the library as Gabe snapped himself to the roof. </p><p>"Sammy? Moose, are you up here?" Gabe searched around, scanning for his hunter. A small whimper caught his attention and he followed the source of the sound to find Sam sitting, crying on the ledge, with his legs dangling off and his arms wrapped around his middle. Gabe's eyes widened and ran over to the hunter.</p><p>"Sam!" Pulling the hunter away from the ledge and clutching him tighter, snapping them into their room. </p><p>~To all of you who've wronged me, I am, I am a zombie, again, again you want me to fall on my head...~</p><p>"Sam, what the hell, what the hell were you thinking, what were you thinking, you'd just leave your brother and I like that!" Gabe panted and wheezed, still not letting go of the hunter. Both falling down into the floor, Sam tucked into Gabe's arms tightly. </p><p>"What were you thinking, why didn't you come get me, Sammy, why?" Gabriel whispered repetitively  and rocked the hunter in his arms. Sam sniffed and stayed silent, letting himself be held for a bit of time. </p><p>"I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just, I'm sorry." Sam sobbed out and stayed closed to the archangel. Gabe sniffed and rubbed his back, frowning more and the rage building up inside of him. Growling and wiping his face angrily, he stood up. </p><p>"Samuel! Daddammit, you almost fucking.. I almost lost you tonight, 'I don't know' isn't a good enough answer! I fucking love you and you almost ripped yourself away from me and goddammit,  I deserve a fucking answer!"</p><p>"I can't loose you again!" Sam yelled out and pressed his hands into his face. Gabe, if possible, only got angrier.</p><p>"So you thought you wouldn't loose me if you fucking.. Did THAT! How about me, assface? How do you think I would have felt!"</p><p>"Of course I did, but-"</p><p>"There's no 'but', you asshole! You didn't think about me, or Dean, or even Cas! You've almost gotten yourself killed FOUR times now! Four, Sam! That's four too many times that you could have gotten hurt or worse!"</p><p>"I would have deserved it!" Sam choked out and hugged his knees. Gabe faltered and froze. Swallowing harshly, he sank to his knees in front of the hunter.</p><p>"Wha.. What did you just say?" Gabe whispered hoarsely. </p><p>"I said it. I said what everybody was thinking." Sam choked out and gasped, Gabe tearing up. </p><p>"Why the fuck would we think that, Sammy? Why?" Gabe furrowed his eyebrows and tears spilled down his tan face. </p><p>~I am I am I am a zombie, how low, how low, how low will you push me, to go, to go, to go, before I lie down dead...~</p><p>"Oh my, let's just recap all the damn reasons, huh? There was that time I lost my soul and nearly lost everyone around me. Everyone I've ever gotten involved with has gotten hurt, maimed, turned, or killed. Lucifer possessed me and nearly made me kill Dean. I got Charlie killed. When Dean said it should have been me, he was right. He was absolutely right." Sam squeezed the scar on his hand and sniffed, burying his head into his knees. Gabe was shocked, jaw agape. Shaking and glaring at the wall, pursing his lips, he growled out quietly. </p><p>"Dean should never have said that, but you and I both know he says things when he's in the moment that he doesn't mean. Sammy, you do not.. Do not, deserve, to die. You don't. You saved Jack. You helped him when Dean was wary and you gave him a chance. You helped me redeem myself. You and I both know Charlie would have gone to the ends of the earth for you both, she loved you and you loved her. She got to do what she loved with you guys and that was to hunt and be a nerd and have fun with it." Gabe choked a little, clearing his throat, and biting the inside of his cheek.</p><p>"I know you don't see it, I know you don't, but you are a good person, Sam." Sam sniffed and shook his head, about to protest. </p><p>"Sammy, I trapped you and your brother in a time loop, killing him multiple times and drove you into a literal murderous rage. I also trapped you both in a TV land and made you both go through Hell there too. You were the only one to give me a second chance. You. Of ALL people to give ME a chance, you were the least likely, but you did. You loved me and cared for me when I had no one, and I mean, no one. You opened up for me and showed me what it was like to be cared for and held accountable. I was a total dick to you, and you turned it into kindness. That is far from a bad person. Not even close to touching it. Do you understand me?" Gabe cupped his hands around the taller's face and looked him right in the eyes. Sam sniffed and nuzzled into the hands, staying close. Gabe took the shaking hunter into his arms and rocked gently. </p><p>"Don't you ever doubt yourself again. If you ever feel like that again, you come to me. Or else, I'll drag you back from Heaven myself and Dad will just have to kiss it or shove it where the sun don't shine." Smoothing his hair and kissing the top of the hunter's head, he felt a nod.</p><p>"I'm really sorry.."</p><p>"I know. I forgive you." Gabe whispered and kissed his temple softly. Maneuvering, he snapped the pair of them into bed and pulled the covers over themselves. Sam curled up slightly, wrapping his arms around the middle of the smaller archangel. Smoothing his hair and listening to his heartbeat, Gabriel hummed quietly in broken Enochian. Sam looked up at him and kissed his chin softly. </p><p>"I also.. I promise to be more careful on hunts. More backup plans before just.. Literally throwing myself at the issue, head-on." Gabe smiled softly.</p><p>"Thank you, baby. Try and rest, okay? I'll be here the entire night. We'll talk more tomorrow on the mental stuff and see what we can do." Combing his fingers through the hunter's hair, he noticed his breathing getting lighter and his hazel eyes closing. Smiling softly, pressing a kiss to the top of Sam's head, he dozed off himself.</p>
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